Opening up about my Insecurities

Late Night Thoughts With 

Kay 

*Proudly sponsored by: My Mind*

Hi everyone,

Welcome back to my page after my long writing hiatuses (again). I hope everyone enjoyed their Fourth of July yesterday! I started to feel like it's been to long since my last post and I just wanted to do a little writing and clear my mind while I was at it. So, I decided to take a quick dive into the mind that belongs to the socially awkward, weird, and introverted brain that I get to call mine.

 So, lets get to it!

If anyone reading this knows me, then you probably know that I don't really get into Youtuber's channels. I think I can name maybe 4 Youtubers off the top of my head right now. However, there is one channel that I do consider myself pretty "serious" about watching, and that would be Gabbie Hanna's channel. When I first started watching Gabbie's channel I wasn't sure why I was so attracted to it. Back in the "good ole days" when vine was still a thing I followed Gabbie's account, and I honestly found her content funny and relatable. 

Now, I've never really been fond of watching youtube videos that were over, 5 minutes long. However, one day I watched one of Gabbie's videos (which are normally wayyy over 5 minutes long) and the next thing I knew, I was clicking on new videos after the next. I quickly realized how real her content is. She shares a lot of personal information about her life that is intriguing and again, relatable. 

When I started blogging all I ever wanted to do was share my story and my truths about the world. (Oh, and also my photography). But I wanted to create something that people could relate to when reading. So Gabbie was a lot of inspiration for me when I started writing and she still is. One of the things that I  really give Gabbie credit for is she just jumps in to her stories and gives it to us as she saw it. For me, whenever, I've tried to do that in my own personal writings, I get nervous to write what I really feel about the subject because of how people will react. Will they like it? Will it be interesting? Am I wasting my time sharing this information. However, one of the biggest thoughts that runs through my mind when writing and posting is

WHAT IF SOMEONE HAS ALREADY SAID THESE WORDS, AND WHAT IF THEY SAID THEM BETTER THAN ME?

my whole life I feel like I've grown up thinking I've been good at something. But then someone comes right behind me and does it a million and five times better and more interesting.

Example: 

  In middle school I started getting into youth theater and acting. So I started taking classes at our local playhouse. Acting was something that I felt good at and enjoyed. Don't get me wrong I never believed that I was good enough to be on TV, I just felt I was decent at. I knew I had a lot of improving to do, but I genuinely thought I was good. At my middle school we didn't have  a theater group or class so I didn't really have any "competition" or other people to learn from. Fast forward a few years and it's my freshman year, I'm auditioning for Alice in Wonderland and watching all these upperclassmen performing scenes and monologues that were beautiful and I kept thinking, "I'm no where near as good as I thought I was". 

At the time young Kay, was pretty discouraged with herself. However, I never "quit" acting. (until high school was over). I kept at it and tried to get better and learn, but no matter how much I improved I felt like I was never good enough to be considered good. Ya know what I mean? 

That's just one example of many situations where I have felt like I wasn't considering "good enough" to do what I was doing. I know what you're probably thinking at this point, 

"Kay, you're never gonna get better at anything with that mind set" 

Trust me, I know. I'm not normally the one to give up at something, just because I feel like there are other people that are better at it than me. It's just a situation that makes doing certain things like, blogging, writing, or taking picture difficult because I'm constantly wondering if what I'm doing is good enough. So as much as I hate to admit it, what I have just described to you, is probably a big reason why I don't post as much as I could ( which is no excuse). However, I'm realizing and working to fix this struggle and I hope that one day my posts will be as inspiring to someone as Gabbie's videos are to me. 

Anyway, 

That was my late night ramble about one of my mannnny insecurities. If anyone relates to this feeling comment down below and let me know what you think! 

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far!  

As always 

Thanks for reading, 

Until next time, 

Kay